I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
