i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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