Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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