Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
