Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
