did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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