god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
