you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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