plz talk dirty to me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
