I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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