God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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