apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
