remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
