HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
