I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
