ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
