I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
