Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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