dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
