I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
