mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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