Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
