We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we're so committed to being not committed
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