yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
