I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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