I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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