So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
