You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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