I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
