This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
