Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
