Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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