3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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