The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
