I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
