I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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