Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have already put on my inside pants.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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