I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
