I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
