I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
