just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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