My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
