I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
