Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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