i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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