its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
