you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
