I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
