my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
