Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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