I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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