I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
