I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
