I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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