That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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