Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's shark week go big or go home
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
