I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
