I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
