she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
