he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
