he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
