the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
