I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
